Relationship Advice: Be Happy!

Many people fall into the trap of looking for what they think will make them happy. Why is it that so many of those who achieve these dreams still are not happy?

The concept that happiness is "out there" is flat out wrong. Happiness comes from within. The good news is, there are tools for solving your relationship problems now and always.

Face and experience your unhappiness in relationships

The most important thing to understand is, being happy does NOT mean ignoring or hiding what makes you unhappy, nor does it mean trying your best to make sadness go away. Finding relationship help means facing your unhappiness, feeling it, learning where it comes from, and understanding how it no longer serves you.

Quite frequently, your unhappiness comes from patterns you developed when you were a child. You were young, inexperienced, and might have had any number of problems that fed your fears and uncertainties.

Perhaps your parents were not present or were incapable of helping you feel protected and safe. They were not available to offer relationship advice or were not good role models. Maybe you were unable to communicate your concerns to anyone who could help.

Whatever the reason or situation, you developed defense mechanisms that helped you cope. You became fearful. You cried, ran, put up walls, fought back, got mad, or found the wrong allies.

Relationship help from your Inner Child

As adults, unless we confront these relationship problems head on and see our reactions for what they are, we stay stuck in the same feelings and patterns. Although the term "embracing your inner child" has become quite overused, it is a helpful concept to think of your fears and unhappiness as belonging to someone "else", someone other than the adult "you".

It's so easy to say, "I'm so sick of feeling this way all the time, I just want it to go away and move on." Then you try everything to make yourself feel courageous and happy. You only hang out with positive people, you get a divorce, you find a new partner, dog, radio station, and so on.

This "bandaid approach" is encouraged by every aspect of our modern Western culture. Just look at advertising. Depending on what channel you're watching, any of these - prayer, dish soap, Oprah's Favorite Things, underarm deodorant, a new car, a new dating partner, a life insurance policy, dinner out at a restaurant or patronizing a different bank - promise to make you a much happier person.

Instead, what you could be doing to find relationship help once and for all, is allowing yourself to really feel your pain. Feel where in your body it is coming from.

Meditate to find your own relationship advice

Doing this never ceases to surprise me. Once, I thought I was feeling heartache because someone didn't love me, but when I meditated on this sadness, I realized I was feeling it in my solar plexus.

Because I'm somewhat familiar with the body's chakras, I knew this was my Power Chakra. Instinctively I knew that I was giving away my power to this other person. I felt my pain here because I was feeling only negative emotions and was blocking my own spiritual energy. I was powerless to experience joy and had closed off my connection to and ability to feel greater things.

In other words, I was creating my own sadness, not this other person. The relationship wasn't the problem, the issue was my dependencies.

Once I realized what I was doing, I accepted the entire experience as being a valid way to deal with situations in my past. I thought of this all as coming from a scared little child deep inside of me. I started a dialog with this child. It was short and sweet, something like, "Hi! I didn't see you there, sorry for ignoring you for so long. You look like you need a hug..." I imagined myself taking this little child into my lap and totally enfolding her in my most loving, protective embrace. I kissed her on the top of her head and gently rocked her to and fro. I let her know that she would always be safe and loved.

What happened, immediately, was astounding. The tight knot in my solar plexus was gone, and I felt a warmth radiating out from inside my chest. It actually felt like my chest opened up, letting this warmth and light shine out into the world.

Of course this feeling didn't stay. But having felt it once, so powerfully, now I can re-call that feeling whenever I need it.

Reclaiming your personal power

This whole process gradually becomes almost a reflex. At first you have to remember, "oh yeah, I know how to deal with this (fear, anger, jealousy, etc.)." You have to consciously put yourself through your paces. You learn to sense where in your body you're holding onto the emotions, you understand what it means, and then you accept and embrace your inner child. Allow yourself to change!

You have to believe that, eventually, you can just get to that loving heartwarming place right away. You will begin to have days when you don't ever leave your happy place. Changing habits developed over a lifetime takes work and commitment, but the end result is happiness that just won't quit.

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